In the event of a Zombie attack

Someone asked me, “in the event of a zombie attack, where would you go?”

Before I answer, I should acknowledge that zombies scare the bejesus out of me. Not the slow-moving, blobs from my childhood. No, they were laughable.

Modern zombies from movies like “28 Days Later” and the remake of “Dawn of the Dead.” THOSE zombies are scary. Needless to say, I’ve thought about my Zombie Strategy.


For starters, never go to the hospital. That’s probably ground zero for an outbreak. “He’s dying, bring him to the hospital!” No thanks. You will be eaten.


Most people are running to the supermarket, but there are two serious problems: it’s difficult to protect and there are no weapons. Plus, as fresh meat and fish start to spoil, the odor will become unbearable. A good zombie attack often knocks out some of the electrical grid. Adding insult to injury, your double coupons are now worthless.


As we’ve seen from two movies, the mall is a pretty decent place, since the variety of stores means that you’ll have new items and plenty of food. Those roll-down steel cages are great for keeping the dead at bay and picking them off. The real challenge is a clean sweep, since there are so many places for them to hide. Although, on the bright side, this is one of the rare times you can park in a handicapped spot. I mean, hey, it’s an apocalypse, parking laws are temporarily suspended.

Police Station

The police station might be good, since they have weapons. But it’s also likely that the doors are locked…and the cops inside are probably hunkering down and aiming for “head shots.” Some are marksmen from 100 yards or more, so they wont necessarily know you are simply looking for refuge.

Discount Variety Stores

Stores like K-Mart and Walmart are starting to look particularly attractive, especially if they have a food section. You want something with tools, since you’re going to need to barricade yourself in for a while. If they have a sporting goods section, raid this area first.

Fire Department

Fire departments are great, since firefighters have axes, food, and those big trucks. A second floor with a fire pole is great, since it’s easy to defend. Plus, they will have emergency medical supplies, communications devices, and generators.

Home Sweet Home

Honestly the best place of all is inside your own home. You know the vulnerable entrances (board them up immediately), you have medications for family members, and you have enough food to survive the initial attack. You just have to resist the urge to flee to someplace “safer.”

So…where would YOU go in the event of a zombie outbreak? (It’s just a matter of time!)


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14 thoughts on “In the event of a Zombie attack

  1. I would go down to the local Discoteque because I have it on good authority that Zombies are absolutely mesmerized by any song with a 100 beats a minute rhythm or more rendering them in effectual as a machine for the apocalypse.

  2. If there was a zombie attack, the first place I’d go is a crowded room full of zombies…because living is a terrible thing, even now…

  3. Well, here’s the thing:

    I’d grab a car with a low amount of mileage on it. Probably a sedan or an SUV.

    I’d load it up with food and water, and cans of gas. I’d crazy glue the windows shut.

    Then I’d put the pedal to the medal and live in that car as I drove as far northeast as possible.

    If you look at all the classic zombie movies, every time the characters slowed down and stopped to shack up, they were completely fucked. I’d only stop for occasional supplies and maybe a nap. Keep driving, keep moving until some semblance of order is restore or I just hit a dead end I can’t turn around from.

    Also, I’d have an iPod fired up with the best driving over zombie music. Geto Boys’ “Still”, obviously…

    So in answer to your question, where would I go? The only answer is to keep going.

  4. WEll i would get all the provisions i need. Guns ammo you name it. Head to our family boat in the suv. basically pull a dawn of the dead situation but not get off the boat so fuckin fast.

  5. in the event of a zombie outbreak i would fortify my house. i live in a 2 story surronded on all sides by an 8 foot privacy fence so one of the first things i would do would be reinforce the fence, fix all vulnerabilities on the house, fortify and basically bunkerize my basement, set cameras up all over my property to monitor zombie activity and only when absolutely necessary i would run across the street to the small town grocery/hardware/gun shop (called tanners, maybe a 2 minute tops walk and 30 second tops brisk run from my house) and pick up whatever i needed.

  6. Stefan – Sure, but where would you get that fence on the day of the outbreak in your area? What if you were at work when it happened?

  7. Our house is one story up, so I’d just block the front door with boards and other crap. Then we could access the streets by dropping a ladder from our balcony. There’s a supermarket across the street, so a quick dash could be possible.

  8. Mark: Yeah, I agree. I think that the tactical advantage goes to people who are on the second floor. Second floor, you can make a jump to the roof of a car and possibly return the same way, if they are slow-moving zombies. First floor, you’re dead. Third floor and above you have a good vantage point for survival, but getting in and out is tough.

  9. the problem with  mall is if someone was bitten they would want to hide and no tell anyone then they would turn and infect others

  10. Same thing with the hospital. People who get bit would immediately go to the hospital for treatment. You’d get eaten alive there.

  11. Not to mention that if you live in a house thats connected to other houses, you could potentially use the rooftops as a way of accessing other houses without having the risk of running into zombies. You could slowly clear the houses in your neighborhood one by one to get some supplies.

  12. Mark, first outbreak, I am either (a) following your advice or (b) finding you, since you appear ready for the zombie apocalypse.

  13. Well, honestly I would stay inside my home until I almost couldn’t defend it anylonger. Then I would Find the nearest Yaght; stock it- and head for the Gulf until I had to return for supplies. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to stay and fight, if it were just me. But “IRL” I have two kids to protect. 🙂 

  14. Jen – I’m thinking that home, doors locked, windows boarded, food hoarded, and waiting for the frost of winter is probably the way to go. As long as there’s water, you can hang in there a long time.

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